Accepting People As They Are
“What we judge in another is a disowned part of ourselves.”
- Debbie Ford

Once upon a time I used to get really depressed around people whom I didn’t feel were living up to their “full potential”. I referred to these people as “sleepwalkers”, due to their inability to wake up and smell the law of attraction.

I assumed that my depression was a direct result of the other person’s choices, and so I did everything I could to inspire them to change. But what I didn’t realize at the time was that my negative feelings had nothing to do with their decisions, and everything to do with my judgment of them.

Take a moment and notice that when you can’t accept people as they are in the moment, you feel irritated. This irritation is a signal from your intuition, letting you know that you are resisting the conditions of the present moment and pushing against WHAT IS. When you refuse to accept people as they are, you create a disturbance in the Force!

One of the hardest spiritual truths to accept is that everyone is as they should be. If you think otherwise, you are rejecting the inherent wisdom of the Universe, the same wisdom that is shining through the eyes of the person you want to change.

When you can’t accept a person as they are, it’s usually because they are reflecting a quality you haven’t yet accepted in yourself – otherwise known as the Shadow Effect. But if you are conscious enough, you can use the interaction as a mirror into your own psyche.

Are you aware of the qualities within yourself you have rejected? Examine the characteristics of the most difficult people in your life and see if they’re reflecting these qualities back to you.

As for me, I find the “unconsciousness” in myself totally revolting. I hate it when I think, speak, or act unconsciously. The “sleepwalkers” are just reminding me to have more love and compassion when the unconscious part of my personality shows up.

When we take the time to love and accept even our most unwanted qualities fully, we can do the same with other people. When we love people unconditionally we have no need to change them, and our resistance to the present moment dissolves.

Accepting people as they are doesn’t mean we will stop judging altogether. Our judgments do serve a purpose because they help us sort through the contrast of this world and decide what we want out of life. But just because someone decides to be a vegan, intuitive, tea-lovin’ yogi doesn’t mean everyone else in the world should be. ;)

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9 thoughts on “Accepting People As They Are

  1. Matthew

    I realized late last night that my current unhappiness about people assuming things about me is really a form of judgement, on my own part. Thanks for a fresh perspective on this.


  2. Scott R. McGrew


    You’re absolutely right, again. This is a truth that I continue to stay very aware of. Any time I find myself starting to become irritated with someone else’s behavior, I have to stop and ask myself, “Is this something that you don’t like about yourself?” In the Stark Trek episode “Second Chances,” Commander Riker encounters a double of himself. For all intents and purposes they couldn’t stand one another, even though they were exact duplicates. They saw in one another the very things they didn’t like about themselves.

    This is the case with others we encounter. The very traits of their personalities that are glaring at us are the ones we recognize in ourselves. The challenge is in how we respond. Do we let it eat at us, do we try and change the other person, or do we look at the reflection and address those issues in ourselves?

    I’ll take the latter.


  3. Bing Wu

    This is a great article, KB! I’m totally with ya. I “judge” people who I feel don’t live up to their potential, or who are poor communicators and don’t get back to me in reasonable time. But maybe because, if I really look myself in the mirror, both these things are also true about myself. aaaah!


  4. Diane

    Great post and just in time. I can see how this will apply to any situation ex: your work environment. I really appreciate your constant mindful reminders ;)


  5. Dana

    I have found both personally and professionally that self-acceptance is the foundation for positivity. When I am in a self-critical frame of mind, everything goes on a downward spiral from there. Even the smallest irritants in myself and others loom huge. But when I remember that I am deserving, worthy and wonderful, I put myself on an upward spiral and everyone else comes along for the ride!


  6. Kevin Velasco

    Traveling and connecting with people of various cultures, environments, and backgrounds has assisted me in becoming less judgmental and more accepting of people. I am also now much more appreciative of people’s differences. The less judgmental I am of people, the quicker I can get a glimpse of people’s essence and connect with them on an authentic level.


  7. Leila

    You are more beautiful than an angel. Thanks for the article. As I was reading it I could emagine how I feel when I see a negative quality in someone else although I’ve always liked to know about “Mirrors” more. This is what I should spend time to learn more. And what about good qualities we see in others and like to have them and for sure couldn’t find them in ourselves yet?!!!
    Blessings in every part of your life.


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