Today I’m going to teach you something very important.
It could be the most important thing you ever learn.
It is now time to silence your cell phone and spit out your gum.
I need your undivided attention, because today I’m going to teach you how to make my FAMOUS KALE CHIPS*.
*the fame of my kale chips is debatable. But they are famous in my own household.
Kale chips are a raw vegan’s potato chip. Only, unlike potato chips, kale chips are actually GOOD for you. They are full of anti-oxidants, fiber, omega-3 fatty acids, and cancer-preventing phytonutrients! Kale chips are a true spiritual superhero’s superfood.
Which is why I eat kale chips all the time. Not a day goes by where I don’t ingest a bowl of kale chips. They are my favorite snack. And soon they will be YOUR favorite snack. But unless you’re a gazillionaire, you’re probably going to want to learn how to make kale chips at home, because the last time I checked they were like, $1000/ bag at Whole Foods.
I’ve experimented with many different kale chip recipes. The easiest recipe is just to combine 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar with 2 tablespoons of olive oil, which you massage into one head of kale, then dehydrate and sprinkle with sea salt.
But that recipe sounds kind of boring, doesn’t it? Lucky for you I like to get fancy with my recipes. Kick it up a notch, as they say.
The following kale chip recipe is my current favorite. I made it up myself. It was born out of a desire to replicate those lime-flavored tortilla chips. You know the ones I mean? They sure are tasty, but I’m not sure that the florescent green flavoring is healthy. So here’s a raw vegan, healthy substitute.
KB’s Delicious Limey Kale Chips
For this recipe, you will need:
1 head of fresh kale
1/4 cup cashews or macadamia nuts
1 T Apple Cider Vinegar
1 T Agave Nectar
1 T Nutritional Yeast
Juice of 2 Limes
*the word on the street is that you can also make these in the oven. But I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Because then they wouldn’t be raw and you wouldn’t be cool. So just go ahead and order yourself a nice dehydrator off Amazon, would ya? Your body will thank you.
Step One: Wash and De-Stem the Kale
The first step to awesome kale chips is to wash the kale and remove the leafy part from the tough stemmy part. Compost the stemmy part. Then transfer your kale into a very big bowl.
Step Two: Make the Dressing
Combine all other ingredients into your Vitamix and blend it up. It should look like a thick salad dressing. Pour it onto your kale, using a spatula to get every last drop.
Step Three: Massage the Kale
Now it’s time to give the kale an intense massage. Pretend your a Swiss masseuse and you’re taking out your frustrations on a Wall Street jackass. Really let him have it. Massage that dressing into the kale.
Step Four: Spread ‘Em
Spread out the kale onto two teflex-lined dehydrator trays.
Step Five: Dehydrate
Dehydrate for 4 hours on 115. If you don’t have a dehydrator, get one. Or try using your oven. I have no idea how to use an oven though, so I can’t help you there.
Two hours into the dehydration process, flip the chips over and rotate the trays as you would rotate your tires. Helps with even distribution of air.
Also, if I’m going to be using the dehydrator anyway, I usually make two batches of kale chips. Might as well fill ‘er up.
Step 6: Eat!
Now it’s time to eat your chips!! I usually separate each tray of chips into individual plastic containers to avoid eating an entire dehydrator full of kale chips in one sitting. This can happen easier than you might think, and it’s a caloric disaster. It’s like eating a supersize bag of Ruffles.
You can also sprinkle a little sea salt on your chips if you like. I like.
And that’s how you make my famous kale chips. Please leave a comment and let me know how they turned out.