How to Manage Expectations“No one can ‘drive you up the wall’ if you’re at the wheel.”
- Iconic88

Here’s the deal: we all have expectations. We have expectations of ourselves, we have expectations of life in general, and most of all, we have expectations of other people.

Often our expectations go unmet. How do you react in the midst of an unmet expectation?

This week I’ve been on both sides of the fence when it comes to unmet expectations. I’ve been let down and I’ve let others down. In both cases when expectations were not met, drama ensued.

When my expectation was not met, I did what most of us do. I became angry and upset. I played the blame game. I pointed my finger. The same thing happened in reverse when I didn’t meet the expectations of another.

Eventually though, the blame game became boring and I decided to do a little soul-searching. When I dug deeper I realized that my knee-jerk reaction had little to do with the other person and everything to do with me.

If there’s one thing my 6 trillion self-help books have taught me, it’s that my life is a mirror. In other words, my life is a perfect reflection of what’s going on inside of me. I can’t expect other people to offer me qualities that I haven’t yet cultivated within myself.

So pay attention people. Here’s your big “a-ha” moment of the day:

The people around you will not ALWAYS MEET your expectations.

They will however, ALWAYS MIRROR your innermost thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and overall energetic vibration.


What this means is that if you’re feeling cheerful, loving, patient and kind, the people around you will go over and above your highest expectation and flood your life with awesomeness. But if instead you are frustrated, stressed out, irritable or angry, it is highly likely that your best friend will shit on your head. Therefore your mission (if you choose to accept it) is to ditch the blame and instead generate an inner landscape that is conducive to your desires. Quit looking outside of yourself for something you can create inside of yourself.

The quickest way to get over an unmet expectation is to immediately draw your attention to the desire at the root of your expectation. What is it that you deeply want???  What are you looking for? As you uncover the desire, focus all your attention upon it. You will immediately feel better.

The desires underneath my unmet expectations were encouragement, love, and support. When I began to focus on and offer these qualities to myself, they began to show up in my world. Loving friends spontaneously popped out of the woodwork to offer me a hug. People I don’t even know sent me high-fives on Twitter.

The point is this: be aware of the expectations you place on yourself and others. Instead of becoming enraged at other people, use your unmet expectations as mirrors to help you grow. What are your unmet expectations trying to tell you about your inner world?

Above all else, forgive those who don’t measure up your expectations. The people in your life serve as mirrors of you. Everyone is a work in progress, and when you hold on to anger or resentment because of an unmet expectation, you only hurt yourself.

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